My Beef with Ketchup

There is a Wendy’s commercial from the 80’s that asks, “Where’s the beef?” I say, “Who cares? Where’s the ketchup!” No matter how rancid meat may be, ketchup can mask that taste. If you are eating a hamburger, fries, or eggs you might put ketchup on your food, and this may happen to be Heinz. It is the world’s largest distributor of ketchup in the world. When you eat in a restaurant it is very likely that you will see Heinz on your table.
However, there is one table where you will not find Heinz ketchup. The St. Louis Christian College (SLCC) cafeteria does not buy one of the 650 million bottles of Heinz sold in the world each year. SLCC uses Monarch brand ketchup.

Should the SLCC cafeteria use Heinz ketchup? I believe so and here are a few facts about Heinz: no animal products, contains Lycopene, no hidden MSG, and upside bottles. Now let me show you what Monarch is all about: paprika.

I argue that the SLCC cafeteria should switch to Heinz. Heinz is synonymous with ketchup. Monarch is synonymous with mediocrity. SLCC students fail at so much: grades, exams, reports, and MAP. Let us at least succeed in ketchup.