Sunday, May 24, 2009

Wedding Songs

10 special songs used for the wedding ceremony and the reception.

1)Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros

The song Amy and I walked out to at the end of the wedding ceremony.

2)Here, There, and Everywhere by The Beatles

The first song Amy and I danced to at the reception.

3)Cinderella by Stephen Curtis Chapman

The song Amy and her father Bob danced to at the reception.

4)In My Life by The Beatles

The song my mother and I danced to at the reception.

5)Built to Last - Melee

6)Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine

7)Back for Good by Take That

8)I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance by Black Kids

9)15 Step by Radiohead

10)Baby, I love you by The Ramoness

Monday, November 10, 2008

Spiritual Saltuations

How do you end emails? If it is a professional draft then of course you may use sincerely, or thank you, but what about personal emails? If often get emails that end with, "because of Jesus," or "God bless." I don't know how to respond to that. It is a lot of pressure on me to match that level of spirituality or up it one. I usually don't end my email with anything other than my name or simply "take care." Spiritual salutations give the email a more cosmic feel, and my emails are not that important. Perhaps I am not being a good Christian. I suppose I should start ending my emails with a blessing, affirmation of faith, or challenge to the reader.

Here a few examples of what I could end an email with.

1)God bless you, even when you aren't sneezing,


2From your fellow Christian soldier who is marching as to war,


3)Your brother in Christ, who is not really your brother, genetically not your brother that is, but spiritually speaking, if you know what I mean,


4)From one of God's chosen for eternal glory to another chosen by God for eternal glory, not like all those other hell-bound sinners who spend Sundays drinking beer and watching football when they should be in church praising God and repenting of their hellish lifestyles,


5)From a Christian, and if you are not a Christian there is something I want to tell you and some pamphlets I want to send you, and possibly some nice people to come visit you, and a donation I would like you to make,


Then again I might just stick with "take care."


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Things I Like Pt. 1

I like the following:

my nephew Noah, Charlie Chaplin, The Marx Brothers, Buster Keaton, silent films, German expressionistic films, surrealism, impressionism, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, black and white films, Ingmar Bergman, Stanley Kubrick, Un Chein Andalou, Radiohead, The Flaming Lips, Pixies, The Jesus and Mary Chain, shoegaze, The Beatles, The Doors, punk, Stiff Little Fingers, The Ramones, The Clash, The Dead Kennedys, Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange, existentialism, the history of Satan, Genesis, theology, Greek, Hebrew, Venus, Pythagoras, nihilism, argyle, Dickies, khakis, chocolate cake, Joy Division, wine, Guinness, gin and tonic, New Castle, hamburgers, devil's food cake, plumes, oranges, banana pops, cherries, green seedless grapes, arbitrariness, green, white, blue, Converse, suspenders, vests, iPods, iTunes, 90's rap, doo wop, Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, blues, Miles Davis, Abide with Me, 28 Days Later, Darren Aronofsky, Harry Potter, Blonde Redhead, fall, Halloween, X-Files, Star Trek, That 70's Show, Seinfeld, Soren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Fyodor Dostoevsky, gothic novels, Franz Kafka, Jean Paul Sartre, distopianism, George Orwell, The Food Network, Throwdown, Good Eats, Iron Chef, Ace of Cakes,, Detroit Redwings, Steve Yzerman, St. Louis Cardinals, West Virginia Mountaineers, Earl Grey, chai, Lapsang Souchang, Virginia, Tennessee, metal, oldies, girl groups, bubblegum pop, crayons, rubber ducks, booing, chess, picture albums, action figures, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, He-Man, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Beavis and Butthead, retractable Sharpies, High Fidelity, Little Debbie, post-punk, Alfred Hitchcock, glasses, Merlot, Chardonnay, Claude Monet, Paul Klee, Salvador Dali, James Joyce, cubism, avant-garde, electric guitar, piano, organ, Gameboy, mustaches, Hieronymous Bosche, Anne Rice, Ralph Ellison, Russia, Moleskin, red ink, Orson Welles, X-Men, Spiderman, Magneto, Star Wars, rice, juice, sleeping, Mr. T, Thursdays, dub, gnosticism, the Apocrypha, Apocalypse Now, Johnathan Swift, satire, John Milton, Iago, the golden ratio, cuckoo clocks, grandfather clocks, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Ken Kesey, E. Howard Hunt, Julian the Apostate, Super Mario, Nintendo, Johann Sebastian Bach, campfires, King Saul, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, How Deep the Father's Love for Us, Turd Ferguson, True Love Ways, absurdism, journals, mahjong, mountains, fish and chips, reuben, chicken fried steak, Kool-Aid, Diet Mt. Dew, Fresca, pens, paper, baths, salt-n-vinegar chips, Barnes and Noble, Borders, American Eagle, Old Navy,, bowling shirts, John Steinbeck, Darkness at Noon, The Dharma Bums, Arcade Fire, Chapelle Show,, cursing, hiking,, Rhymes with Orange, William Blake, direct deposit, Helzberg, Parthenon, Albert Camus, Shadrach, Meschach, and Abendego, Reece's, Hershey chocolate, Fruity Pebbles, Cap'n Crunch Crunch Berries, Frosted Flakes, Honey Nut Cheerios, Chicken Corn Chowder, Muenster Cheese, Brie, spinach, peas, Stratocasters, Set, Old Spice, Bath and Body Works, Great Pyramid of Giza, Cydonia, deism, Gilmore Girls, Mothman, Across the Universe, No Surprises, Jesu, the Joy of Man's Desiring, The Stranger, The Trial, Nausea, figure skating, fog, winter, leather jackets, Taco Johns, Wu-Tang Clan, Woot shirts, southern rock, indie, Modest Mouse, Godspeed! You Black Emperor, Canadian National Anthem, facebook, facebook IM, facebook inbox, diamond rings, Casablanca, Cheez-it, plums, Phantom of the Opera, corduroy, The Twilight Zone, Fight Test, Built to Last, Stalag 17, candles, Puccini, and Amy Perrey.

Monday, October 6, 2008

A Man's Best Sign

When I first started college I learned many new things: how to format a paper in Turbian, how to read Greek, how to discuss rhetorical argumentation, explain Wellhausen's hypotheses, and how to check a girl's finger for a ring.

Ring checking is the simple, sly practice of determining whether a young lady is married or not. First, you approach the female and say, "How you doin." Next, check her left hand quickly and inconspicuously for that diamond. If she does have on a ring, you turn around without saying another word. If her hand is bare of any sparkly objects, then proceed to say, "Like I was sayin,' How you doin.'"

This is something I never did before. At first I thought my friends were dorks for even going to the trouble of ring checking. However, I soon found myself searching a girl's hand for that shiny, monthly-installed paid, Marilyn Monroe approved, diamond ring that said in loud, flashy gleams, "Too late Loser, I'm taken."

Eventually, I quit checking a girl's finger for a ring. I figured that at my age, I better first check for a pulse.

Recently, I have been scanning fingers for rings once again. This time I have not been determining whether the woman is single or not, but comparing her ring to my fiance's ring. With each comparison I determine that Amy's is much more beautiful. It might have something to do with the fact that Amy is much more beautiful than all other women, but I check for cut, clarity, carat and color and still still determine that Amy's ring is superior.

Often I will catch Amy ring checking her own hand. I will smile at her and say, "That's a pretty ring. Where did you get that?" She will smile back and say,"My fiance gave it to me."

That's me!

Sunday, October 5, 2008


It was a new start, yet it all looked and felt familiar. I tried leaving part of my past, yet it was there with me. I was there to study writing, but I was confronted by my previous studies--theology. I was there to pursue an MFA, but orientation took place in what was once a Baptist church.

I entered the church, which was now being used for the university's night program, and found my way to the sanctuary. They did not call it a sanctuary, it was now the "art's center," but you could not disguise its previous function. There were neither a crucifix, nor a baptistry, but you felt reverent walking in.

I silently and respectfully found my seat. My seat was not a desk or a table, but a pew. Some were talking, some were reading, but most had their heads down in a stationary position as if in meditation. We were there to study and learn, but all would have easily transitioned into a state worship, given the right cue.

The dean ascended the stage and stood in front of the lectern. It was not a lectern. It was a pulpit and he was not facing an audience of students but a house of worshipers. We listened to each of his words, noting down the most important points. We laughed at his jokes and imagined his stories. It was not a speech. It was a sermon and it had points, and it was persuasive. We were moved by his words and motivated to become better students. Not better students, but better believers.

There was a place in the pew in front of me for a hymnal, A Bible, and a cup of communion. Communion was not served, but we were all invited after the speech to come forward and receive our free university coffee cup. We got in a line and waited our turn to receive the cup. Then we departed with a, "Have a good day." No, not "have a good day," but: "Peace be with you." "And also with you."

It was orientation. Or was it church? I can not escape the church. It has followed me into a Masters of Fine Arts program. It was there during orientation and later in class to let me know where I came from. It will continue to be there with every story or poem I turn in for class. It will be there in my journal entries and my free writing. It will be there with topics I explain, argue and discuss. It will be there in my notes and in the margins. It is everywhere I go.

It is here with me now.

Monday, August 25, 2008

And the List Grows...

Accidents and mistakes I have blamed on having low-blood sugar.

1)Fell up the stairs.
2)Fell down the stairs.
3)Fell out of the shower.
4.Burned myself on hot tea.
5.Spilled a glass of tea at a restaurant.
6.Left a size tag on the side of my pants.
7.Called a woman by her recently dead sister's name.
8.Cut myself with an exacto-knife.
9.Flipped off my history professor.
10.Dropped an f-bomb in front of little children.
11.Dropped an f-bomb in front of the board of directors of my grad. school.
12.Shaved my head.
13.Bought a Nelly Furtado c.d.
14.Cut my finger on a copier.
15.Cut my finger on a door handle.
16.Cut my finger with a lady's razer.
17.Ripped my messenger bag on a spiraling stairway.
18.Sent a mother's day card to my mom on her birthday.
19.Voted for Ross Perot.
20.Watched Joel Osteen for 20 minutes.
21.Broke my glasses in half while cleaning them.
22.Googled my name.
23.Mistook "intimate" with "Entenmann's".
24.Overfilled the gas tank.
25.Burned my arm on a pizza oven.
26.Slipped and fell in dog urine.
27.Left an ink pen in my pocket during a wash.
28.Cut my foot on a broken piece of casserole dish.
29.Dropped Moby Dick in a toilet.
30.Dropped an heirloom down a sink.
31.Dropped my back pack on a power-strip cutting off a speaker's microphone.
32.Opened a door I shouldn't have.
33.Memorized the words to the Llama song.
34.Tripped over a garden hose falling on concrete.
35.Tripped over a floor fan in a restaurant.
36.Stepped on a four-year-old's head.
37.Plugged my laptop's power cord into an outlet with wet hands.
38.Almost impaled by a jagged tree branch during a wind storm.
39.Almost decapitated myself on a wooden roller coaster.
40.Thought my fiance would find the song, "Like a Parasite," romantic.
41.Trial subscription to Time.
42.Mistook hazard lights on a pickup for a right turn signal.
43.Bought a fiddle.
44.Weed eating for twenty minutes without the string.
45.Stepped on the sharpened eat of an arrow's head.
46.Mispronounced Fuddruckers.
47.Cursed at the end of a prayer.
48.Walked up to the stage in high school to receive an award I was not announced to get.
49.Walked into a closed door.
50.Posted a blog full of my faults, mistakes, and accidents.

My sugar's low. I need a snack.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Say My Name, Say My Name

My great grandfather's name was William. His son, my grandfather, was William, Jr., but they call him Billy to distinguish him from his father. My father's legal name is Billy, but they call him Pete to distinguish him from his father. My legal name is Billy, Jr., but they call me B.J. to separate me from William (Billy) and Billy (Pete). Then there is my mother's father, whose name is William, but they called him Bays. I don't even know why.

So when I have children there will be no Billys, Willys, Williams, Bills, Wills, or Wilhelms. If I have a boy his name will be Pierre, Gustave, or Orson. I will put an end to the Billys!

I have never been known as Billy. Since birth I have been called B.J., which makes me wonder why they even bothered to name me Billy. I've known people who have had only single letter names. I would have been fine with first name B and second name J, but instead I have this burden of a legal, first name that I don't use and no one calls me. The only person who knows me as Billy is the government and we are not on first name basis.

Now that I have turned 30 and am getting married in less than a year I wonder is it time to drop the B.J.? Should I go with something more mature sounding? But Billy? Billy is the kid with a Gameboy in his pocket and a melting Popsicle in his hand. The narrator of Slaughter-House Five kept Billy as his adult name because people always trust a "Billy," but I already have people's trust--I have a baby face and glasses.

I could go by my middle name, Wayne, but do I look like a Wayne? Wayne is the guy who changes the oil in your car. I can't even pump gas properly. Also, Wayne is Batman's last name and I am not about to put on a cape and have sidekick with green tights beside me.

Throughout my life I have gone by many names: B.J., B., J., J.B., J.B. Hog, B.J. the Bear, B.B., Bee Gee, Beejoreeno, Beelee, and on some crazy occasions Billy. My personal favorite nickname for my nickname is Beej. My fiance also has petnames for me, but no need to list those here. Her mother is reading.

Soon I will be starting my new job as a pharmacy technician and I will have a name tag. My dilemma is what should be on that name tag: Billy or B.J. I'm torn. Should I go with my legal, less juvenile sounding first name or the name that everyone knows me and loves me by?

I don't know. What do you think?