Not Like Writing Your Name in Snow

Yesterday I got familiar with a plastic cup--I peed in it. I have a difficult time urinating in public; especially when there is a long line behind me. I can feel the eyes on my back, looking at the time, tapping their feet, clearing their throats as I try to finish. Many times I have given up and sat uncomfortably in my seat awaiting a second try.

Yesterday was worse than having to go in a public restroom because I had to go in a cup with nurses waiting behind a closed door. I had to take a drug test for a new job I am starting soon. I have nothing to worry about; I don't do drugs, but I am insecure. I'm sure they make a drug for that.

The nice nurse handed me the plastic cup and showed me the line I was to go past. She asked if that would be a problem, and I said yes. So I went into the waiting room and downed two cups of water very quickly and watched the Olympics. Unfortunately, it was indoor volleyball and not swimming, diving, or some other kind of water-related sport that could have helped along the process.

I'm diabetic, so having to go to the bathroom is usually no problem. All I have to do is swallow some spit and I will have to go five minutes later, but this day I could not go. I waited a few minutes, made a phone call, and watched Japan and America spike volleyballs back and forth at each other like they were reenacting World War II. Then finally I felt something!

The nurse led me into the little bathroom with the plastic cup. This was a first for me because I have never had to go in a cup before. I've gone in a toilet, against a wall, in the snow, in a stream, on a small fire, in a diaper, and even in the pool, but never in a cup. I'm used to drinking liquids from a cup, but not dispensing it into a cup.

Finally, I was able to go and I was overjoyed. I successfully went past the line without dripping any out. I was always good at coloring inside the lines. I proudly presented my cup of warm, yellow, urine to the nurse as if it was a gold Olympic medal. As I left the office I think I heard the National Anthem play and I too felt victorious with a cup full of my kidney juice. USA! USA! USA!